The summer of my 4th grade year, my mom and I would sit together on the couch every afternoon and watch reruns of The Carol Burnett Show. We didn’t go on summer vacations as a kid, which meant the summer months seem to stretch on for years. It also meant The Carol Burnett Show was a highlight of the day. To 4th grade me, it was an event.
And events, well, they deserve a special menu. Food and drink that rise above the everyday; appetizers befitting the moment. I took it upon myself to create these elevated snacks with a box of Nabisco Premium saltines.
Yes, every afternoon I would create hors d'oeuvres for us consisting of buttered saltines, saltines with jelly, saltines with peanut butter, and saltines topped with Kraft American cheese. (Pro Saltine Tip: If you fold the American cheese slice in half and then in half again, you get four pieces that fit perfectly onto a saltine. Yes, I know it’s not “real” cheese. I also know I don’t care.) I would arrange the saltine appetizers on a plate and proudly march all that fanciness into the living room and present it with great flourish just in time for Carol to take the stage. Hey, I was entering the 4th grade; I thought these appetizers were some of the finer things in life.
Actually, I still do.
Now, I shared this story online recently and discovered a lot of people don't know the joy that is a buttered saltine.
If that’s you, if you hear “buttered saltine” and think what the what, society has clearly failed you. I'm sorry.
The good news is that now you know.
So, go get your butter, or your plant based spread that pretends to be butter, and a sleeve of saltines and START LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE.
And if you can eat them while watching reruns of “The Carol Burnett Show,” even better.
Omg - YES to buttered saltines!! They were a staple and simple, pure joy 😆
That Whiz can would be the cheese of choice, naturally.