There are things I can take and things I can’t.
Most things, I can take. Even things I don’t like or disagree with or find to be a thing of nonsense. I can put on my big girl pants and deal with it. I’m not going to wade into a conversation or engage with individuals who I feel are one taco short of a combination plate. It’s like wresting with a pig—all that happens is you get dirty and the pig likes it.
That changed last night in downtown Pensacola.
Before I go farther, let me be the first to say that downtown Pensacola has a charming vibe. The historic district reminds one of New Orleans with its wrought iron railings and old brick buildings. Yes, there are homeless dotting the streets, but hey, I come from Albuquerque where we see that on every corner, so who am I to say boo?
It wasn’t the homeless laying about on the streets, though, that made me stop.
No, it was the two women in their ankle length skirts accompanying the man yelling into the bullhorn to strangers passing by that everyone was going to hell if they didn’t believe in Jesus.
Now to be crystal clear, I AM a believer. God is real to me and I hold my faith as one of my prized personal possessions. Yeah, it’s been tested. I went awhile without even talking to God at one point in my life, and because life comes with free will, I know it will be tested again. And again. But through it all, God has still been my God. I really love when people come to love Him. But the God I see in human form, Jesus, did not go around screaming in people’s faces. I mean, what the what?
The fam and I had just finished a lovely German meal at Pensacola’s “Bavarian” restaurant and were walking around the downtown area when we happened upon these People Screaming Salvation on the corner. They were really going at it. Lots of “hellfire and damnation” kind of stuff coming from the mouth of the man while the women stood behind holding “You’re going to hell signs.” The sort of stuff you expect to see on Fremont street in Vegas, along with scantily clad women and people walking around in gross unlicensed character costumes.
And cross my heart I was content to just walk on by…
until one person started to address the DH and a woman tried to foist a pamphlet at my kids.
Oh…it is on.
The kids, to their credit, just shook their head and said “No, thank you,” because they are polite like that. Their mother, however, was not having it.
As I walked by, I said, “You know, I don’t think screaming at people is really going to change anybody’s mind.”
And that was all it took. Blond hair long skirt lady started walking alongside me. Oh, we’re doing this, are we?
“You wouldn’t?” she said.
“No. I would not. And I’m a believer.”
“Well, what do YOU do?” (ahhh…the challenge)
Now, I’m a believer in the St. Francis approach: “At all times preach the Gospel, and when necessary, use words” so I said, “For starters, I try to live my life in way that pleases God.”
And then blonde haired ankle length skirt lady, let’s call her Damnation Karen, said, “And that’s what we’re doing.” She went on and on about how we are called to spread the word of Jesus.
“By screaming at strangers through a bullhorn?” I said.
“YES,” she replied. “That’s what Jesus did.”
“WHAT?”
“How do you think he preached to the 5000 who arrived to hear him speak? His voice amplified off the cliff and the water.”
I laughed. “No, it didn’t. Please. Hello? Science? And again, I’M A BELIEVER.”
She said, “Then how do YOU think he did it?”
Damnation Karen was not giving up.
“The same way he fed the multitudes with 5 loaves and 2 fishes with 12 baskets of leftovers. Explain that one. You know how? BECAUSE HE IS GOD. You’re not.”
At this point, I felt the darling son put his arm around me to guide me away from Damnation Karen. “Okay, mom. Let’s go.”
Now, I was in no way ready to leave. I was ready to take on Damnation Karen, Brimstone Betty and their MALE leader, Hellfire Harold, but the kids did not want to witness that, so I allowed myself to be escorted away by my darling son.
“Mom, that’s exactly what these type of people want you to do,” they reminded me.
They were right of course. “Listen, kids, I WAS going to walk by until they addressed dad and shoved a pamphlet at you. Yeah, I know I was wrestling with pigs but I couldn’t take that. And I could have taken her had you not made me leave.”
“And the sad thing is, they will count that as a win,” said the darling daughter.
Right again.
We’re going back into Pensacola tonight for dinner. But I tell you true, if we eat downtown again, all bets are off. I might even bring my own bullhorn.
Lord, vodka me strength.
You are in Pensacola?? Oh, I wish I had been there to witness. I would definitely have your back.
These people need prayer.