A man in Japan, Akihiko Kondo, married a fictional character, Hatsune Miku. Miku isn’t real, and Mr. Kondo knows that, but he’s always felt an intense attraction to fictional characters.
Mr. Kondo is known as a “fictosexual.” He’s publicizing his betrothal to Miku in an effort to raise awareness of the growing “fictosexual” movement. “It’s about respecting other people’s lifestyles,” he says.
I read the article in the NYT, kids, and thought it had to be satirical. But I think that about A LOT of NYT's articles, so I did some digging. Turns out what I thought unhealthy behavior requiring therapy is being applauded with…wait for it…it’s own flag.
I found out it is regarded as a “valid orientation and identity.” You can be sexually attracted to the point of engaging in a relationship with Mr. Peepers your childhood teddy bear, going on vacations together, out to dinner, some "alone plushie time" and it's all good. Fictosexuality is actually the umbrella term used, with lots of options included. "Cartosexual" is one of them.
Turned on by "Spongebob Squarepants?" You could be a "cartosexual."
And I’m sitting here with this new information wondering, DOES ANYTHING GO NOW? Is NOTHING off limits?
I’m thinking the answer is “yes.” I mean, we’ve clearly abandoned rational thought in favor of validating everyone’s feelings regardless of those feelings. We've tipped into an era where reality is no longer defined by logic.
You feel it? It’s valid.
This seems to be the prevailing thought, which takes me back to my pondering. If I AM a thing because I “feel” like I am a thing, there is no end to the number of orientation and identities we can drum up.
Can I be physically attracted to cucumbers? A “veggisexual?”
Can I identify as another race?
Another culture?
Another age?
OF COURSE I CAN. And so can you, because anything goes now. And if YOU feel it, everyone must accept it as valid.
So, with that in mind, I would like everyone to know that from this point forward, I am 4 years old and would like to be acknowledged and cared for as a toddler.
I want to be seen by a pediatrician and expect to eat for free in places where children eat for free.
I would like the child’s ticket price on events and travel.
I am 4 years old and therefore can not work, so I expect to be taken care of by the federal government. Or state government. Or local government. I’m not sure which government, really. I mean, how would I know; I’M ONLY FOUR.
And should I be denied any of the aforementioned, I will righteously shout “DISCRIMINATION” and have an adult put you on Twitter blast.
Thank you.
I’m going to take a nap now while you grown-ups work.
Close the door on your way out.
Mr. Peepers and I want to be alone.
Validate Every Feeling
I’ve identified as 6’5” for years, meaning people keep talking to my boobs. HEY! MY EYES ARE UP HERE, DAMMIT!
So very true. I read a couple of months ago there were something like 135 different gender identities. I wonder if “Crazy and Misguided” is an option? Make that 136.