The Year in Review

With 2024 quickly drawing to a close, it’s only natural that minds turn back to the year we just had. And oh, what a year. There were highs. There were lows. There were plenty “OMG. I can’t believe that happened” moments. And while cataloging the ENTIRE year would take way more time and willpower than I have, take my hand while I give you a tour from my brain’s highlight reel.

January: Gypsy Rose Blanchard Released from Prison
(Okay, technically this took place December 28th, but I’m allowing for it to be included in January news. I mean, it’s close enough. Come on. Three sleeps and it’s January. )
A tragic story, yes, but it is not lost on me that despite living in captivity, Gypsy somehow still managed to have not one, but two boyfriends. And then got engaged while in jail. Someone needs to give this girl her own dating advice show. STAT.

February: Toby Keith died
This one hurt more than others. I raise a red solo cup in his honor.

March: A cargo ship destroyed the Francis Scott Key bridge in Baltimore
A cargo ship lost power in Baltimore Harbor and ran straight into the Francis Scott Key Bridge. That bridge crumpled like it was made of plastic. Lives were lost. The bridge has yet to be rebuilt.

Kate Middleton goes missing
After Kensington Palace announced mid-January that Kate had entered the hospital for abdominal surgery, and then wasn’t heard from for two months, conspiracy theories filled the social medias. Was she alive? Had she been taken by aliens? Had she undergone massive plastic surgery? Was she going to re-emerge as a “double D?” Had she been kidnapped by Meghan Markle? Sadly, the rumors surrounding the future Queen didn’t end when she announced her cancer diagnosis. Calm down, Internet. She’s a mom undergoing cancer treatment. She owes no one answers, especially those whose horrible comments reveal they are the human form of hot dog water.

Feds raid Diddy’s house
Diddy or didn’t he? The Feds seem to think he DID. Engage in sexual assault, that is. While responding to the indictment including sex trafficking, racketeering and transportation to engage in prostitution, the Feds found evidence of his <cough cough> “freak off” parties in the form of ketamine, ecstasy, AR-15’s with scratched off serial numbers and more than a 1000 bottles of baby oil and lubricant. Eww.
I feel the need to dip my entire body into a vat of Purell after typing that.

April: OJ died
OJ Simpson succumbed to his battle with cancer at the age of 76, which has to be better than being stabbed to death in a double murder by an ex-lover wearing gloves and a mask.

Taylor Swift releases her 11th studio album: “The Tortured Poets Department”
At this point, they should just save time and automatically give Taylor the Grammy upon release of each new album.

June: Joe Biden dementia debate
That moment when the Democrats AND the media could no longer make excuses that Joe was on the top of his game. And had to finally admit what every else admitted long ago. It was bad. Really bad. The silver lining is that Joe has already forgotten about it.

Astronauts stranded in space
They were supposed to fly up to the International Space Station in a Boeing Starliner capsule for a round trip lasting a little over a week. Turns out, they will be stuck in space close to a YEAR, thanks to helium leaks in the Boeing capsule’s propulsion system and degraded thrusters. (Side note: “degraded thruster” sounds like an awesome insult. “Yeah. Well, you’re a degraded thruster, so there.”) In December, NASA announced the two astronauts would return to Earth via Space X’s Dragon spacecraft. Despite being stranded in space for a year, NASA officials say they aren’t stranded in space. Okay, then.

July: The assassination attempt on Donald Trump
You might have missed this one, just like the Secret Service missed the actual shooter on the roof. Of course, they seemed to be the only ones that missed him, as everybody else had to point out the “guy on the roof.” The media spent about two days on the story and then moved on. Love him or hate him, the moments following were kind of bad ass. The blood…the fist pump. Just saying. If it was me, I would have done some sort of frantic army crawl on my belly across the stage while crying hysterically. And then end up in therapy the rest of my life.

Biden drops out of presidential race.
Okay, technically he was forced out. Are you happy, GEORGE CLOONEY?

Biden replaced with Brat Girl Summer hero, VP Kamala Harris.
Kamala Harris, our lovely Vice President, master of accents, gourmet word salad chef, and a woman unburdened by what has been, ascended to the position of Presidential nominee.

August: “Raygun” Olympic breakdancer
If THIS is Olympics worthy breakdancing, sign me up, ‘cause her performance is me, dancing in the living room, after several strong cocktails. I mean, almost exactly. You could pretty much just give me a few vodkas, and then the gold medal.

RFK Jr. and the bear
In one of my favorite stories of 2024, RFK Jr. shares how a dead bear ended up in his van. According to Kennedy, about ten years ago he was driving in NY when he happened upon a dead bear who had been hit by a car. Dude pulled over and put the dead bear in his van with the intent of skinning him later and using his meat. But, as it happens when one has a bear in one’s car, he ran out of time and had to get to the airport. So, he dumped the bear and his bike in a Central Park bike lane to make it comically appear as though the bear had been hit by a bike. There’s really no villain in this story. Although the bear would certainly disagree.

September/October: Hurricanes Helen and Milton
The east coast got pounded by these two vicious storms. I mean, just devastated. Heartbreakingly so. As I type this, many victims are living in tents, waiting on help. Yes, you read that right. TENTS. And God forbid you had a political sign in your yard that read “Trump.” FEMA might pass you right by.

October: Chicken Big Mac
Just like it sounds. McDonalds replaced the beef patties with chicken patties. No healthier, but just as delicious. Especially lovely if you like a “ beige” sandwich. I will eat that bad boy over a McRib any day of the week. Yeah. I said what I said.

Speaking of Big Macs, Trump works the McDonald’s drive through
It’s an election year, which means anything can, and will, happen. While on the campaign trail, Kamala Harris said she worked at McDonalds. No one can find proof she did. So the Donald shows up to a Pennsylvania McDonalds, puts on an apron, and actually works a shift, including the drive through before heading over to do a town hall. I laughed way too hard at this.

Abercrombie CEO Mike Jeffries arrested for sex trafficking
Remember this guy? For my new readers, I wrote about this piece of work back in 2013 when Business Insider ran a story about how Abercrombie & Fitch refuses to make clothes larger than size 10. Jeffries explained how he doesn’t “want their core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing the clothing.” And how “people who wear our clothing should peel like they’re one of the cool kids.” Mind you, this from the dude with dyed hair, bleached teeth and plastic surgery so intense he looks like Biff from “Back to the Future.” But not the handsome young Biff— the old Biff from Part II. The irony being Jeffries disgraceful philosophy would actually prohibit him from shopping in his own store. But I digress. This awful human being has been indicted on federal charges of international sex trafficking and prostitution business. His lawyers say he now has dementia and Alzheimer’s disease and is not fit to stand trial. I wish the rest of us could forget all of this awfulness, too.

Professional Photographers of America (PPA) elects a new board President
PPA, the largest non-profit photography organization in the world, elected a new board president and vice president for 2025: Allison English Watkins and Pete Rezac. Watkins served as a director for years before advancing to Treasurer and then Vice President. Rezac served as director and is currently the board Treasurer.

November: Peanut the squirrel euthanized
I was able to keep it under control when the federal government fired thousands who refused the Covid shot. I kept my composure when grandma died alone in a hospital and buying milk meant you had to follow arrows on a floor in a grocery store and Tim Walz set up a snitch line in Minnesota to rat out your neighbors who had a backyard playdate. But upon learning NY authorities sent in about a dozen officers with a search warrant to kill Peanut the squirrel and Fred the raccoon, rescued pets who had been living with their owner for the past seven years and had become the mascot of their animal rescue, well, this was a step too far. I was ready to ride at dawn.

Trump wins election
Never underestimate the power of the Golden Arches.

Mike Tyson/ Jake Paul fight
It was the most streamed sporting event in history. The event ended with two losers: Mike Tyson…and everybody who had to endure Netflix’s abysmal live streaming.

Wicked
THE movie of 2024. I have yet to see it. I’m not big on movie musicals based on Broadway musicals. Russell Crowe as “Javert” in Les Miserables sealed the deal for me. It was so bad, I was actually looking forward to the moment he jumped off the bridge and drowned in the Seine. I kept whispering in the theater, “Almost there…almost there…”

Professional Photographers of America invalidates October board election results
In an unprecedented move, the Professional Photographers of America revoked the rightful October board election results and, instead, voted in the Current president and Chairman of the Board to serve a second term. Members of the organization understandably dismayed at this power play and demanding answers have either been met with silence or forced to take their pick from a bevy of ever changing explanations. Members of the organization’s Council are currently petitioning for a board recall.

December: Drones over NJ
Unidentified drones have been flying all over NJ for weeks. The Feds insist they have no evidence to suggest they are a threat or connected to foreign entities. Actually, we don’t even know they are drones. What we do know is they are big, 6 ft in diameter. And sightings have been reported in night skies near military sites and critical infrastructure with no one shooting them down. I guess government officials can barge into a man’s home, killing his pet squirrel and raccoon but can’t shoot down unregistered drones. ‘Merica.

Daniel Penny Trial
Daniel Penny, the former Marine who stepped in to prevent people from being hurt or killed while riding the subway, was acquitted of homicide. This does not bode well with some people, but I have to say…I have a daughter. She is grown, but I worry for her safety all the time. And I can tell you, without one moment’s pause or reservation, that if she was trapped on a subway car in NYC while an erratic man threatened and harassed her, I would hope someone like Daniel Penny would step in to protect her. If she was threatened by a man with 42 arrest charges, including three unprovoked attacks on women, slugging a 67 year old female stranger on the subway so hard her orbital bone broke and attempting to kidnap a 7 year old girl, yeah, I would hope someone like Daniel Penny would come to her aide.

Woman set on fire on F train
Sebastian Zapeta, a 33 year old Guatemalan citizen who federal immigration officials state entered the US illegally, is accused of setting a woman’s clothes on fire aboard a stopped train at the Coney Island-Stillwell Avenue station a few days before Christmas. After waving a shirt at her to fan the fire, he sat on a bench and watched. The woman succumbed to her injuries and Zapeta has been indicted on murder and arson charges. Unfortunately, Daniel Penny wasn’t on that train.

So, there you have it, folks. My year in review recap. This is but a teeny slice of the pie that was 2024, but these are the stories that my brain has given top billing. Whew. It’s been quite a ride.

As we now turn the calendar page, and gaze out onto a brand new sparkling year, I’d like to take a moment and thank you all for reading my ramblings. I always say “the thoughts have to go somewhere,” and HERE is where I put them. Well, here and the folder on my desktop entitled “Things I’ve Written but will Never Post.” I’ve given my children permission to post it all upon my demise.

I truly appreciate everyone who reads, comments, likes, subscribes, shares, and of course, forks over a few bucks a month to support my writing with a paid subscription.
I appreciate ALL OF IT.
And all of you.

Happy New Year to everyone!
(Except the people who killed Peanut the Squirrel.)