Substack Ranked Me as a "Rising Humor" Writer

I'm just as shocked as you.

Dear Readers,

Whilst pouring my second cup of coffee this morning, my phone lit up with a notification from Substack. I wasn’t surprised. After all, like a lot of people, I get a ton of notifications. Want to know when rain is expected to start in my area? Just ask me. I’ve got a notification for that.
So, yeah, not surprised at all.

Yes, I get notifications on my phone all the time, but this one was odd.
Startling, even.
It produced the same heart thumping reaction as one of those “fraud alerts” but without the angst and feverish dialing to Chase Bank.

I logged in to Substack to check it out.
Oh, look…a message in my inbox.
And it’s from Substack.
Informing me that I am currently ranked #24 on their “Rising in Humor” list.

I’m sorry…WHAT??
So, I headed over to the link to make sure this wasn’t sent from some Nigerian prince.
Turns out, it’s legit.

Twenty-four!
In HUMOR!

Which is both wildly flattering and mildly confusing, considering there is truly no rhyme or reason to my posts; I simply write the things that pop into my head. Cocktails, politics, sourdough, Tom Jones… and I usually do so while wearing pajama pants and eating peanut butter from the jar.

Now, I don’t know how these rankings are calculated, but judging from my posts, I assume it’s some highly sophisticated algorithm which takes into account caffeine levels, typos and the number of times I reference cocktails or passive-aggressively roast public figures.

Whatever the case, I’m thrilled, stunned and half-way through designing merch for my imaginary cult following. I hope everyone likes glitter.

So to everyone who reads, shares, subscribes and encourages my ridiculousness—THANK YOU. I write because the thoughts have to go somewhere and the fact that it’s resonating with other people makes me want to hug you all and make you lasagna.

If you’ve been thinking about subscribing, now would be lovely. Somehow, this little corner of the internet is finding “its people,”and I would be honored if you were one of them.
As for me? I’m just over here trying to figure out what I said that made this happen and hoping to ride the wave before the algorithm wakes up and says: