I just received my health insurance annual renewal notice. When I saw the increase, my first thought was that “The Babylon Bee” had taken their satire to direct mail. Turns out the notice was legit, to the tune of less benefits and a premium jump of $200 a month.
$200. A. Month.
Dear Baby Jesus in a manger, I'm about to go on an epic rant.
Listen, kids, I’ve been trying to hold this in, but after the freaking disaster of the past 10 months, I fear I either let it out or raise my blood pressure to stroke levels. So, for health reasons, I am letting it out. Please consider this article my personal ACE inhibitor.
Let’s examine the total clusterf*** of 2021 thus far:
Consumer prices are rising at the fastest pace in 30 years. Has NO ONE in the federal government “read the room?” I know the last guy did. Yeah, he was brash and outspoken and irritated a lot of folks, and his Tweets made me cringe, and yeah, that hair is terrible, but the economy was humming. Under Project Warp Speed, a vaccine was created in a timeframe we were told was impossible to help keep the economy humming. And, after reading the room and looking to the future, legislation was introduced called the “CHIPS for America Act.” Preparing for the future and countless chip shortages, as we import most of what we need, the bill directs federal resources toward getting America back on top in the microchip game, redirecting federal funds to American companies and American chip manufacturing. You know, ‘cause we need that now.
It has yet to be passed.
Speaking of chip shortages, severe supply shortages of everything are occurring everywhere and are only going to get worse. We are told we aren’t going to be able to get stuff. Now, I’m no economist, nor am I the Secretary of Transportation (whose been out on paternity leave during this crisis) but we have had cargo ships floating in the waters off the Southern California coast for weeks. Like, A LOT of ships with containers. Those containers contain STUFF. Is that some of the stuff we need? Can we just go GET the stuff? Why aren’t we getting the stuff? The stuff is RIGHT THERE. I see truck drivers TRYING to get the stuff. They show up early to get the stuff, but nobody wants to help them get the stuff. This is all so stupid.
We need stuff.
Stuff is in the water.
Why not just get the stuff out of the water?
See, I expected to run out of stuff last year due to lockdowns. We ran out of toilet paper and yeast. That was pretty much it. I even commented that it’s amazing we didn't run out of more stuff. And yet, here we are, a year later with a vaccine and the lifting of restrictions and, somehow, we can’t figure out how to get the stuff out of the water and on to the trucks and trains so the people who need the stuff can get the stuff. I mean, I’m not the president or anything but it just seems to me that if you NEED stuff, and stuff is RIGHT THERE, waiting for you to get it, you GO GET THE STUFF. I think President Biden should put Chick-fil-A in charge of this. It would be their pleasure to fix it for him. FOR US ALL.
Higher food prices are now waiting for you on the shelves. The cost of preparing your Thanksgiving Feast in 2020 came to just $47 for 10 people or less-the lowest level since 2010. Again, smack dab in the middle of the pandemic. This year, you’ll be paying much more, because your turkey is going to be smothered in a runny watery sauce called “Inflation Gravy.”
Higher gas prices (note: Chevron and Exxon reported their most profitable quarerly earings since 2017. These companies made more money under the Biden administration than they did under the Trump administration. Let's ponder that a moment, shall we?) Yeah, I know these folks make a lot of money, but after listening to the line of questioning by certain members of the House of Representatives ( Ms. Tlaib and Ms. Bush, I’m looking at you) I think those energy executives should get a raise for having to endure that. And they already make a gazillion dollars, so that’s saying something.
Spending money faster than we can print it. I mean, why do you need MY taxes? You just print what you don't have anyway. What does "money" mean? Nothing. It’s like Monopoly bills at this point.
Outrageous spending bills are being worked on that some in Congress say aren't big enough and won't pass unless they are lumped together with other bills. These bills cost trillions of dollars, but then, who cares anymore. Congress tosses around the word “trillions” like change found in the cushions of a couch. Mind you, a $20,000 couch that should really only cost $500, aka: a government couch.
Progressives in Congress are insisting that the "Build Back Better" bill and the "infrastructure" bill must be linked together and can not be brought to the floor for a vote independently. Why? Why must bills come to the floor together? If a bill isn't strong enough to pass ON ITS OWN, then let it die.
A worker shortage across the board. NOBODY wants to work. WHAT IS HAPPENING? It’s so strange to see homeless encampments next to businesses with “NOW HIRING” signs.
WAIT A MINUTE! I have an idea. It’s wacky, but hear me out.
You need work and this business needs workers…see where I’m going with this? Seems like that should fix some things, right?
The uber wealthy in Congress continue to say the wealthy aren't paying their fair share and yet, I don't see any of those wealthy Congress people writing extra checks to the IRS. Because I promise you, if they WERE, they would tell you.
And speaking of the US Congress, what about those Congress people who call for the defunding of the police while they ramp up their personal security? The hypocrisy knows no bounds. See also: Violent crimes off the charts.
The dissolution of the Keystone Pipeline Agreement with Canada. Winter is coming, people, so, you better chop down that tree in the backyard to burn ‘cause the cost to heat your home will be sky high. I suggest wearing layers.
A botched up Afghanistan withdrawal so filled with flaws and unnecessary loss of life that we should still be talking about it but instead, we've segued to what a comedian can or cannot say. Forget the death of our soldiers and the countless beheadings by the Taliban and the killing of female athletes, and instead, let's focus on a Netflix comedy special because “somebody made jokes we don’t like.”
A homelessness problem fueled by crystal meth that nobody really wants to address.
And speaking of an issue nobody is addressing: the crisis at the Southern border. I feel totally comfortable President Biden has a firm grasp of the issue, after all, he drove through El Paso on the campaign trail in 2008. It’s okay, Joe, haters are gonna hate.
But, in spite of the president driving through El Paso 13 years ago, the problem persists. Who knew? What we DO know is that politicians are skilled at never wasting the opportunity of a crisis, so, in true lets-stick-this-in-a-bill-where-it-doesn’t-belong, the Democrats have added “Immigration Deportation Shields” as part of the “Economic Plan.” They should rename it “The Plan to Add Millions of Democratic Voters,” ‘cause, really, that’s the intent. Add to this the negotiations to award families separated at the border $450,000 per family member. Yes, you can enter the country illegally and when your action results in separation, you can call up your friendly ACLU who will happily take your case and sue the US government for doing its job.
Vaccine mandates causing the loss of everything from pilots to law enforcement to first responders to sanitation workers. Oh, and healthcare workers. The heroes of 2020 that showed up without a vaccine to put their lives at risk are now the villains for wanting to do the same in 2021.
Also raising the blood pressure in my body is the fact that President Biden mandated that all companies with more than 100 employees must ensure their entire workforce are fully vaccinated or show a negative test at least once a week. If not, they will get slapped with a $14,000 fine PER CASE. Add to this all hospital workers and federal contractors.
President Biden said, and I repeat, “This is NOT about freedom or personal choice.”
Well, sure, this is the United States of America—how dare we expect the Constitutional rights of freedom and personal choice? What is wrong with you people? I mean, really.
Meanwhile, while all this mandating is happening, the 59 million Americans receiving welfare benefits do not need to show proof of vaccination to continue to receive federal assistance. So, in simple terms, if you provide the tax revenue, you must be vaccinated, but if you are the beneficiary of welfare benefits, you are exempt. It’s like the Common Core Math of vaccine mandates.
But wait. Turn the paper over. There’s more on the back page.
If you are an illegal immigrant in the US, you, too, are exempt from the jab. When asked is this double standard was correct, White House Press Secretary, Jen Psaki, replied, “That’s correct.” I’m glad that’s all cleared up.
And now, the cherry on the top of the Awfulness Sundae: an outrageous jump in insurance premiums.
Yes, our healthcare system needs a BIG shakedown, but don't come at me with how "Medicare for All" is the answer.
Please.
These government folks can't figure out how to get freaking cargo ships out of the freaking water...you really think they can pull off QUALITY HEALTHCARE for an entire nation?
Jiminy Christmas. I’d prefer Chick-fil-A be in charge of that, too.
”Yeah, I need to order a visit with my doctor and a 12 piece nugget.”
To be fair, I’m not entirely convinced the Chick-fil-A idea would work, but really, looking back on the past 10 months, it couldn’t be worse.
Also, you know, there’d be nuggets.